69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like a drive thru vagina
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
