Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
