Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
