I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
