So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
