i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This is the high leading the old right now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
