No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
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Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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