i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
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