Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
