So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize