It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just had sex bonerless
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
