Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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