Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
