YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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