Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
