we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
