I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
