Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
