I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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