I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
