I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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