guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well I just put wine in my tea
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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