Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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