My liver just broke up with me...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
