What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she smelled like a LAN party
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
