The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
