Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you had me at cake vodka
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
