I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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