he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
