How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
