by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
