please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
