If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
