I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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