I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
