belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
