I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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