New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
