matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
