She bit a glass in half.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
