i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
