if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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