I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
