8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
