you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
