Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
