He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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