hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
