You're my little dorito
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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