took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Bring me that man meat
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
