i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
