But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
