it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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