i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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