Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize