I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
