Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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