who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
