Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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