You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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