You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm jealous of your bromance
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
