All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
