He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
