Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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