How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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