I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
