Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
