the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
