I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
