Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
