if i can run in heels then i can drive
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
