So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
