you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
where are you?
Hypothermia
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
