Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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