me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
