my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
