wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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