How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
