I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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