Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
