Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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