ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
