I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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