They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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