...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
